now, something tells me i shouldn't stay. that i should just leave, because i'm not wanted around. that it'd be better without me, you know? i thought today would be a good day, but i guess not. i just fuck everything up. no more positive thoughts. cheebye. i don't feel like staying around anymore, too. i feel sick inside. like i'm some extra, or some replacement. someone who's the last to be picked to join a team. it's a horrible feeling. but it's okay. i'll get through it in the end. i'll get used to it. because in the end, i'm always alone. always... history's repeating itself. but it's the last time it'll repeat. because i'll end this vicious cycle. somehow. isn't it ironic, when you first get into a relationship, your world revolves around your partner, you give them your all, you say that you love them, that you'd never leave them. then when it ends, they are the ones who leave you. and when they find someone else, it repeats itself. if it's like that, the word 'love' loses its meaning. i strongly believe in true love once in a lifetime. anws, i'm damn suicidal now. stupid jealousy. == stupid brain, keep thinking. & it's not your fault. but it's getting hard to ignore all the dates, the smiles you have whenever you talk about him, the signs that you miss him, how excited you are when you're going to see him (iknowyoumisshimalot,itsunderstandable). and it's getting hard for me to keep loving you. and i'm sure you chat about him with others. nevermind, it's normal in a relationship.  i can really tell that you like him a lot, and you're happy whenever you're with him. hope that you have a nice outing with him and your friend today. still helplessly in love with you. aishiteru. <3

Labels: yet another long boring reflection no one is ever gonna read