yes people, i just woke up.
I wake up very often. In the middle of the night.
Haha. Okay. I'm damn cold. Brr! It's affecting my typing.
Anyways, i'm thinking again. Yay.
And i'm definitely not going to sing at this hour. So too bad.
Okay peeps, it's gonna be another lengthy, emo reflection post crap so you can stop reading here. Lols. (for the benefit of the people who stop here, i am going to say bye here.)
Byebye, people who stop HERE.

Okay, hellos. You people who continued reading, warning first.
You should already know who i talk about.
If this is your first time reading on, too bad. Live with it! Haha.

I cried in my sleep. Don't know why.
I only realised when i woke up.
And i had quite a happy dream.
Well, i think. Can't remember.
Don't know whether it's related to YOU or not. Perhaps not.

& yes, i still kiss my ex. Be shocked!(?) It's basic courtesy. Lols.
Okok. It's not. I don't know lah, she almost raped me 2 times yesterday leh.
She treats me like we're still together, so she kiss me, kiss back lo.
(actuallywaskissingalot,andneverputalotofdetails,butnevertypeinfortheminorswhoreadmyblog)
I'm not attached anyways, so i'm not being unfair to anyone.
I know that i still love you though.
So maybe i'm being unfair to myself. Haha.
Bet you're going out again later. Hope you have fun.
Been thinking what would happen if you went out on those 2 days...
That would suck. Haha.
Would probably have no mood for the whole day.
I'm sure you would go on one of those days.
Because it's a saturday. No comments uh.
Doubt there would be a party of any sort.
'cause it's sort of a death anniversary too.

Anyways, i guess i might as well ask you here.

Do you love him?

Please don't give me your usual 'i don't know'.
I want a definite yes/no. No maybes.
And i don't care whether the truth hurts.
So tell me the truth. I'll still love you, no matter what your answer is.

Anyways, i feel like i'm the only one in this fantasy world, and you just play along.
You've always wanted to get out of this world...
So go on, get out...
You've got someone in the real world who needs you, anyways...
And i'm sure you need him too.
I'm sory for still loving you when i shouldn't.
If i could, i would have fought for you. Really, i would have given my all.
But eventually, it wouldn't matter.
'cause you've always minded, and you've always liked him, so who am i to stop you?
Go on, you've waited too long for him.
So i was glad when he finally made his move on that saturday.
Treasure him, yeahs? Guys like him are hard to find.
He always smiles when he talks about you.
Just like how you smile when you talk about him.
I hope you last long with him. Like definitely much longer than us.
Hopefully, by then, i would have either died, moved on, let go, or maybe just stopped contacting you.
But for now, i'll keep on loving you. Hope he doesn't mind.

Still drifting further and further away. Can't help it.
It's like, our relationship is worse than the first time i met you.
But hey, times change. People change. So i can't blame you.
Maybe i should have been satisfied by just being a friend...
I should have never asked you on that wednesday night, long ago...
I'm so sorry...

I miss those days... When i moved...
And when i was forced to send that dreadful sms...
Phone confiscated, no internet...
But i still left you messages at night, using another number...
Even though those times were difficult and painful, i miss them...
Because that was when i really felt that i loved you...
I could feel the intensity of that love... I miss that feeling...
I would give anything to be able to rewind time... To experience it again...

Sigh. Okay. It's around 5.30 now. I'm going back to sleep.
Goodnight, people who read through that lengthy reflection.

& you know that i love you always. 我爱你！

Labels: another long boring reflection no one would read